Home Tools for Positive Change Couples Retreat Oracle Advice Blog Books About Us Contact Us
 

About Us      

       
 
 

    This website was created by John Grey, Ph.D., with the intention of giving you with new insights and tools to support you to be happy in love. For over 25 years, John has provided effective and practical coaching to help people succeed in having healthy, joyful, rewarding relationships. He offers a uniquely powerful and intensive couples retreat to transform a relationship onto a solid path of positive growth.

 

     
   
     

Background

    John Grey, Ph.D. is a relationship coach, workshop leader, and author. He received a Doctorate in Psychology in 1975 from Stanford University, where he taught psychology and codirected a National Science Foundation sponsored research center. His research papers in psychobiology have been published in major scientific and professional journals, and are widely quoted in college textbooks. He has extensive training in cognitive and behavioral psychology, aimed at short term, goal-directed coaching to achieve specific practical results. For over a decade, he studied the psychology of personality structure with Helen Palmer, prominent teacher of the Enneagram system, focusing on how to resolve relationship distress caused by differences in personality styles. John is broadly trained in somatic psychology, trauma resolution, and Somatic Experiencing, the work of Peter Levine. He also has immersed himself into the study of attachment psychology and brain science, with the goal to develop tools to help adults overcome reactive dynamics and insecure patterns in order to form a secure, happy, intimate bond. In pursuit of this, he received years of training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, the work of Sue Johnson, and in a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, the work of Stan Tatkin.

    John has been in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area since 1980. Over the past three decades, he has also presented workshops in communication techniques and relationship skills at places like the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, the University of California Berkeley, Stanford University, the Scripps Institute in La Jolla, and at venues throughout the Bay Area. He has given numerous professional training programs for counselors, therapists, coaches, and other helping professionals on how to effectively help clients improve their relationships and achieve personal growth. He was on Dr. John Gray's (author of the bestselling Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus) referral list of couples counselors, and he worked with John Grinder, teacher of Tony Robbins and the developer of Neurolinguistic Programming, or NLP. Additionally, John has authored multiple relationship self-help books and created an interactive relationship self-help system, which can be explored on this website. He is currently writing a new book that integrates neurobiology and attachment theory in a way that helps couples engage in practices to build secure partnership and share in authentic, fulfilling intimacy.

    Read more details about John's background...

Approach to Working with Couples

    John works in a highly supportive way, respecting and responding to each person's individual needs. This enables couples to make rapid progress in achieving their goals. Each of us is different, and each couple is different. Working with you is customized to match your specific needs and your particular styles — so you can get deep, personally meaningful help.

    Over a 25-year span of helping couples, John has mastered a broad repertoire of coaching and counseling techniques, which allows him to flexibly address your specific wants and needs. He has learned how to understand and effectively work with very different personality types — and to appreciate how each couple is a unique combination of two personal styles.

    John has trained therapists in effective communication and change techniques that address the needs of each individual, including NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP). As a workshop leader, he has presented relationship skills programs at the University of California, Stanford University, Scripps Medical Center and the Esalen Institute in Big Sur.

    Being a former Stanford research psychologist, he keeps abreast of and integrates current studies on relationship satisfaction into his work with couples. He also follows the latest research in brain science, neurobiology, and attachment styles — fields that have enormous relevance in understanding emotion and in knowing the true underlying factors in relationship dynamics and what causes success or failure.

    And, John has authored several relationship books, including an interactive self-help system. Please explore these materials on this website.

    John has a reputation for his versatility, skill and effectiveness. In working with him, you know that you are getting effective coaching. He is often sought out by psychologists and other helping professionals, who come to him for help in their personal relationships.

    John's unique approach, combined with a broad experience and background, gives you a powerful opportunity to make a fundamental breakthrough in your relationship. Here are a few distinguishing aspects of his style of work.

     
 

Get Tools, Not Just Talk — Couples wanting a change don't need therapy. They need an education and new tools. Come and learn a powerful assortment of tools to make positive changes. Get results-oriented, versatile, effective coaching. And take home new tools to stay on a positive track.

     
 

A Different Approach — Having trained hundreds of therapists in advanced communication tools, John knows how normal therapy is often ineffective in helping couples. The retreat offers you a major qualitative difference in ways to resolve issues in a productive way. The range and effectiveness of the tools you will get is vastly broader than the standard counseling fare.

     
 

Practical Results, Not Just Theory — Before becoming a relationship coach, John was a research psychologist at Stanford University. He knows the difference between practical results vs. someone's personal theory. What you get is validated by current scientific findings in psychology and neurobiology.

     

Reviews by Experts

    Comments on the relationship tools John has created and on the coaching he gives to couples:

    "Powerful tools to expand joy and happiness. Discover new options that will make a
positive difference in your relationship."
John Gray, Ph.D., Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

    "John is a phenomenal couples coach, among the best I've encountered. He offers state-of-the-art tools and understandings to couples in distress. He knows how to help couples move their relationship onto a solid foundation, into a real intimate partnership."
Susan Campbell, Ph.D., Couples Therapist, Author of Getting Real and The Couples Journey

    "A thoughtful, inspiring guidebook for the qualities and stages necessary for fulfilling,
growth-filled relationships."
Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., Author of The Four Fold Way

    "A friendly source of guidance and wisdom, to help you have the kind of relationship
you truly want."
John Welwood, Ph.D., Couples Therapist, Author of Journey of the Heart and Love and Awakening

    "John offers a powerful combination of healing wisdom and compassion to guide a couple in crisis to a secure and sustainable rebirth in their relationship. He will safely hold both of you, through even your deepest pain or fears, so that you can trust your self to open your hearts to each other in ways you didn't even know exist within and between you."
Carista Luminare, Ph.D., Counselor and Leadership Consultant

    "John is a superbly skilled, wise and authentic relationship coach, and the framework he uses is magnificently suited to genuine transformation. "
Deborah Boyar, Ph.D., Therapist and Workshop Leader

 

    "John takes us beyond myths of soulmates, and shows us how couples can truly succeed together."
Andrew Sears, Ph.D., Psychotherapist

    "Clear direction for how to go about the mysterious thing we call relationship."
Lisa Berg, Business Coach

    "John offers us the most powerful strategies in relationship psychology today. They are simple to understand, and easy to use."
Ken Crittenden, Ph.D., Psychologist

 
 
RELATIONSHIP COACHING
Sessions by Phone and Skype
 
Contact Us
 
COUPLES RETREAT
A fast track to positive change
 
 

    "John reveals the workings of authentic real-world soulmates. There's no fluff. Just the inside story of what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams."
Dawn Monnet, Educator, Coach and Motivational Speaker

    "How to create a great relationship. Simple to understand and it lays out what you need to do step by step. And it works!"
Timothy JohnPress, Corporate Coach and Trainer

    "John possesses exceptionally unique skills for moving people through difficult and sensitive topics and situations with both competence and empathy, yet with strength and conviction."
Diane R. Ludgate, Ph.D., Psychologist and Corporate Trainer

Feedback from Our Clients

    "After years of crises, you helped save our marriage. We now have a great connection, a
deeply shared vision, better communication, and we spend more time being happy and enjoying
life together."
G and J, Builder / Teacher

    "You helped us out of a stuck place that almost split us up. We now feel a healthy, strong connection and great joy with each other."
J and L, Executive / Manager

    "We learned to go beyond being defensive, and have rediscovered the love we shared in the
first place."
M and V, Producer / Sales Rep

    "You helped us solve a huge backlog of unresolved issues. We learned to communicate better, and we now spend more time being happy with each other and enjoying life together."
R and S, Doctors

 

    "Our relationship has been brought up to a whole new level. It truly is amazing to see how much we have both changed and how we have moved beyond our old patterns. Now there is so much more appreciation and happiness."
L and J, Consultant / CEO

    "You showed us how to resolve major issues which had been threatening our stability as a couple for quite some time. This has helped us increase our happiness, and kept us from falling back into old traps. We are very grateful."
A and C, Constuction Engineer / Educator

    "You saved our relationship. We were going down into a deep hole. We were very stuck and could not have come through it without your help. As far as we are concerned, you saved the relationship. Your work is invaluable."
O and S, Mediator / Lawyer

    "We had grown complacent. We are now growing more happy and passionate with each day. The same stresses are still there in our lives, children and work. But the tools you gave us help us to... refresh our love for each other."
J and R, Architect / Consultant

 
 
COUPLES RETREAT
 
An intensive program that will
transform your relationship
 
 
"We came for help — and what
we got was far beyond our
highest expectations.
"
 
Diane R. Ludgate, Ph.D.,
Psychologist and Trainer
 
 

    "I don’t know how to begin to thank you for all you did for my partner and me and our relationship. We came to you seeking help and understanding, and what we left with was far beyond our highest expectations. You possess exceptionally unique skills for moving people through difficult and sensitive topics and situations with both competence and empathy, yet with strength and conviction."
D and S, Psychologist / Executive
    (Read the full letter)

    "John is a superbly skilled, wise, authentic, supportive guide. His program is magnificently suited to genuine transformation. The shifts we experienced, the understanding that emerged, and the capacities that we steadily and rapidly built, all went far beyond our wildest expectations of what could happen between two severely wounded, alienated people in two days. What did happen was an undeniable breakthrough. It was facilitated by John's incomparable presence, knowledge, ability to tune in to each of us and support us to bring forward our best. The tools we were given are priceless, elegant, simple, and they really work. Our hearts are again open to each other; it feels like a miracle, but it's very grounded and real. I feel as if I've found my dearest friend again, still alive and breathing, and still in love with me."
D and T, Therapist / Coach

    "Thank you so much for giving us so many tools to improve our relationship. When we came to you we were in a stalemate. It seemed that there was no way to communicate. We got preoccupied by being busy and we didn't even make time to try anymore. After the weekend with you, we did not only learn to open up communication again. We found ourselves sharing a whole new honeymoon all over again!"
J and V, Medical Administrator / Doctor

    "We were stuck in a place where we fought over stupid things. I felt so resentful that intimacy had long ago stopped. We could be civil, but we felt the happiness we used to have was lost. Your retreat helped us move through some big blocks, understand new things, and heal the issues we couldn't even talk about. I discovered things about him I didn't know even after a decade of marriage! Deep, wonderful things. It's like I found the great guy I originally met, only more so."
L and R, Mother / Athlete

    "We did not know what to expect at your retreat, whether it would be ineffective like counseling had been, or overbearing like on TV talk shows. What we found was compassionate, authentic and supportive, a coach that could mentor us in new tools and show us ways out of the box we were stuck in. It was like a visit with the wise friend we always wish we had, who could help us through our rough spots back to the love we originally shared."
D and M, Executive / Nurse

    "You assisted me to figure out what I really wanted in my relationship. You then helped me get more skilled in communicating to my partner so that she responded in ways I had previously only hoped for. These tools have also helped me communicate more effectively at work, too."
Jim F., Portland

    "I started talking with you about frustrations in my love life... and you helped me see and change the patterns I had been playing out... so that I now can share the kind of joyous love I truly want with a woman."
Michael W., Silicon Valley

    "You helped me through the end of a destructive relationship... and afterwards learn from it, so that I could find the love I really wanted. I'm now in a great relationship... one that I used to dream about..."
Richard S., New York

    "I started working with you when I was going through a painful divorce. You helped me grow from that experience, so much so that I was able to go on to find a truly rewarding relationship... which eventually turned into a great marriage!"
Nick R., San Francisco

  Back to Previous Page

 
 
 
©2011 John Grey  •  Relationship Blog  •  Site Map  •  Policies  •  Relationship Quiz  •  Online Book Store  •  Contact Us
Couples Retreats  •  Marriage Retreats  •  Relationship Retreats  •  Improve or Save Your Relationship  •  Relationship Advice
Relationship Coaching  •  Couples Coaching  •  Improve or Save Your Marriage  •  Soulmate Oracle  •  Love Advice
Couples Intensive  •  Marriage Intensive  •  Relationship Intensive  •  Online Articles  •  Piano Music