Type 9 — The Mediator
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A Mediator tends to “go along to get along.” They put their needs and opinions on hold, and will blend into or merge with what other people want. In this way, they try to gain love, acceptance and a sense of belonging.
They often suffer from losing themselves in the more assertive agendas of others. They will rarely look inside themselves to see what they want. Hence they will seldom voice to others what they feel or need.
A Mediator will too quickly agree to things or go along with others’ agendas, yet later end up resenting it, or resisting it. This makes other people angry. And anger presents a serious problem for a Mediator. They avoid feeling it. They avoid conflict. Instead, they numb out or fuzz out.
In relationship, others have problems with a Mediator not expressing feelings or needs — and with their difficulty in making timely decisions. People want the Mediator to say what they feel, and to more quickly say what they want.
A Mediator is overly focused on comfort. The excessive need for comfort means they avoid all possible conflict. They do not say what they want, because others might reject them, or it may lead to conflict. This leaves them unaware or non-assertive about their personal needs and agendas.
Personal growth for a Mediator is to know that they are important. They need to know what they feel and want — and they need to voice it to others. They need to learn to be more comfortable with conflict. Set better personal boundaries, even learn to say “no.” — as this helps a Mediator better express their authentic self, and “show up” more in a relationship.
