Type 2 — The Giver
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A Giver is focused on fulfilling other peoples’ needs. They believe they’ll get love and connection in this way.
They usually give too much. But they seldom ask for what they want or need. So they get back too little — since others do not have a Giver’s “psychic” ability to see needs. Eventually they break into anger, or just as easily, tears. They, and their partners, get overwhelmed by these emotional outbreaks.
A Giver puts so much energy into gaining connection by giving, that other people see this as too much, out of balance, possibly even manipulative. So others retreat — as the Giver pursues them. Under these conditions, a Giver can be viewed as overly needy or too dependent.
Most relationships encounter discrepancies between one partner wanting to be closer, and the other wanting space. The Giver usually suffers the lack of connection in this classic “connection vs. space” dance. This leaves them particularly vulnerable to feeling rejected and the pain of loss. Their pursuit of connection often will push the other person to need even more space. This polarization process results in both partners suffering.
Personal growth for a Giver is to scale back their strong drive for giving — and reduce their dependency on connecting. Know that love does not depend on altering oneself to fit the needs of others. A Giver will grow if they practice setting boundaries and saying “no.” By spending time alone, they learn to better sense their own needs — and how to fulfill these needs, themselves. A Giver also grows as they begin to directly ask others for what they want.
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